Rainbow Tights
Story by Sarah Yule. Illustrations by Bianca Nita.
Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Violeta. She lived in the wild, Scottish forest. She knew she was different; she had bright pink and purple hair, and two giant mouse ears poking out from the top of her head.
Violeta lived in a small village called Turmeric. It was full of lively creatures, each with a different story to tell. Her favourites were the McGilly’s. They were rats who lived next door. They were the travellers of the village, always off on a new trip. She envied their boundless energy, always laughing as they went about their daily tasks. Violeta wished she was part of the McGilly’s family, travelling around the world. She didn’t know where she wanted to go, but she knew she wanted to move.
Every morning, Violeta selected clothes that matched her mood. On the days she wanted to feel close to nature, to soak up its earthy tones, she wore greens and browns. Pink was for the rare days she felt light.
She always woke up to the flickering shadows of the leaves hanging on the tree outside, they were her daily reminder to move. Even on the days when she felt like she couldn’t move, the days her depression was too heavy, those flickering green leaves reminded her there was a world out there. A world waiting to be explored.
In the early evenings, Violeta loved to sit by the sea with her pink scarf wrapped tightly in her hand. The soft fabric felt soothing to her delicate hands.
Today, she had chosen bright colours. She had picked out her favourite rainbow tights, her black dress with the white stars and her flower headband. Violeta never cared for fashion or looking cool, she just wanted to feel happy in what she wore.
The sky darkened, and the pink and orange clouds melted into marble lilac tones. Violeta thought, The world is so amazing. I want to look at this forever.
Behind her, she heard a group of Mushies talking. This was the name given to the popular mushroom kids in the village who strutted around wearing the most expensive clothes. They had an aura of style that was unattainable to Violeta as she always went for comfort over style.
As they approached, they began laughing. One girl Mary, who was the daughter of the head teacher at the village school, pointed at Violeta and sniggered. She whispered to her friend, Anna, and they both began giggling while staring intensely at Violeta’s rainbow tights. They shouted over to her in a sarcastic tone:
“Nice tights!”
Anxiety and panic washed over Violeta, followed by a lingering wave of shame. The fingers of the Mushies felt like daggers piercing through her skin as they pointed and jeered. She looked down at her tights and felt embarrassed. Her eyes began to water and she tightened the grip of her pink scarf. She whispered, “Why are they laughing at me? What is wrong with my clothes?”
She knew she had to leave before she started crying. She stood up and hugged herself to stop herself from panicking, and hurried home. She walked quickly, not wanting to draw attention by running. Her heart pounded in her chest like someone trapped underground trying to escape. Her chest began to tighten, and she thought she was going to pass out. This happened all the time, but normally she would be in her room and able to control it. This time she didn’t know if she would make it home in time.
As she approached the familiar red gate of her house, she saw the lights were dimmed at half-light and a fire was burning inside. Her parents sat at the fireplace. She peeked at them through the window before going inside, staring at their pointed mouse ears, wishing she hadn’t inherited them. She could see her dad reading and her mum watching a movie. Her mum liked the house dark so she knew it would be easy to run upstairs before anyone saw she was crying. She slowly placed the key in the door, treading lightly as she took the first step inside and then rushed upstairs. The staircase was right in front of the main door so it was easy to sneak in. Her heart was still thumping inside her chest but she got safely up to her room.
She grabbed Wolfie, her furry blue and pink toy wolf, sobbing but trying not to be too loud, in case her parents heard. Wolfie opened his eyes and whispered, “Is everything ok, Violeta? What happened today?”
Violeta wiped away her tears and breathed for a second. She gathered herself and whispered back, “They laughed at me, Wolfie. At my clothes. All the Mushies.”
Wolfie’s eyebrows rose in shock and then anger, “How dare they! Their clothes look like they are going to a funeral every day…”
Violeta chuckled. Wolfie rubbed his nose against hers and spoke softly, “It’s all going to be ok, Violeta. It’s just another bad day but why don’t you put on your pink pyjamas and try and forget about it? We could watch Harry Potter?”
Violeta’s eyes lit up but then in the next moment she went cold again. She couldn’t feel her lips and her hands began to shake. All she could hear was the Mushies laughing at her and calling her names behind her back. She couldn’t take her mind off it. She knew she had to do something so they would never laugh at her again.
Violeta put Wolfie on her bed. She walked towards her wardrobe and opened the doors with determination. She looked at her clothes that were her own personal collection of animal prints, colour, pattern and glitter. She browsed through them all and felt nothing. Normally, they would energise her, give her some inspiration. It was one of the few things she had control over every day. It was her very own way of communicating what was going on in her head. Violeta was a shy child, always observing things rather than speaking. She liked being quiet and left to her own world of imagination. People often mistook her for being extroverted, as she liked to wear bright colours, but she wasn’t. Her clothes helped her feel confident even when she wasn’t, which was most of the time. Now all she could think about was the Mushies laughing at them...
As Violeta stood in the wardrobe, she spotted a black skirt. She bought this skirt a year ago, when she went shopping in town. She didn’t go shopping much as the experience made her feel like she couldn’t breathe. She held the skirt against her waist. Her stomach was bulging out of her tights and she felt sick.
She remembered Mary, the Mushie girl, who was wearing a black dress when they passed her laughing. Mary had long, thin legs and a perfect small waist. Violeta did not look like this. She had a round stomach and her legs were soft and squishy.
Wolfie interrupted, “That skirt is so boring! I like the red one instead.”
Violeta glanced at the skirt and looked to Wolfie, “This will make me look skinny, Wolfie. Plus, the Mushies won’t laugh at me anymore when I wear this.”
Wolfie’s face dropped, “But the red one looks simply perfect on you. It’s you.”
Violeta looked down at her rainbow tights and back at the black skirt, “No. I am going to wear black from now on! No more colour.”
Violeta found all the black clothes in her wardrobe and lay them on her bed. She decided tomorrow, she’ll wear the black skirt, a black jumper and black tights. Violeta got into her unicorn sheets and dimmed the fairy lights lying over her bed. She grabbed Wolfie’s light blue tail and pulled him close to her. She wished him good night and he responded,
“Good night, Violeta.”
Morning arrived. The leaves were flickering against the white wall in Violeta’s room. She stretched her legs out of bed and rolled up. The sky was sunny today and she felt like wearing her yellow sunflower dress. She had an idea to paint her nails yellow just before class so they would match the warm glow of the sun. Then she remembered, “No more colour.” She reached for the black skirt and slipped it on in the bathroom. Her stomach was too big to fit into the zipper. She didn’t understand how it didn’t fit anymore. Her heartbeat started racing and her head got dizzy with panic. Her whole body began to repulse her. She grabbed her stomach and stretched the flab out like a piece of pizza dough.
She shouted to herself, “I hate myself! I just want to be pretty.”
As she slid the skirt back off, she could feel her fingers run across her stretch marks on her hips. They felt like wood carvings along an old, wooden table. All she could think about was the Mushies laughing at her and calling her fat. She needed to find something that would cover her stomach and her imperfect scars. She found a pair of black leggings hiding in the drawer next to her bed.
She said to herself, “These will do!” Violeta kissed Wolfie on the head and hugged him close to her chest, “Bye Wolfie, see you later!”
“See you later, Violeta! I’ll be waiting here for you.”
Violeta smiled. Wolfie was her best friend, but only she knew about him. She found it hard to make friends. Her parents were introverted and her mum barely left the house. Her dad always said, “She is just not feeling up to it,” so Violeta just got used to it. It was only when she began getting older, around 13 years old, that she realised it was strange. A lot of her friends had parents that would take them on weekend trips, invite friends over or let them have parties. Violeta’s parents weren’t like that. Her dad was rather quiet and preferred his own company whereas her mum only went out to get food or a coffee. Her mum was often wearing black in the house and it always made Violeta sad. She always wondered, “Why is it so dark in here?” That was when she started to wear colour. In her house, her mum would always turn the lights off; the strong light always gave her headaches. Violeta got used to not making too much noise either. She wasn’t allowed to play loud music or decorate her room as it would cause too much trouble. Instead, Violeta put her energy into what she wore. She knew it was the one thing that wouldn't cause trouble.
Violeta walked down the stairs and tried to swallow the lump lying at the back of her throat. She exhaled and thought of Wolfie, which made her smile again.
“Good morning!” and reached for the bowl of cereal.
Her mum didn’t notice anything, neither did her dad. To them, nothing had changed. This was normal for Violeta. Her parents didn’t really notice her moments of panic either. She got used to pretending they weren’t happening. As she gulped down her breakfast, she threw her bag on her back.
Her dad said, “Off to class, Violeta?”
“Yep. Bye!”
Violeta left the house and walked to the village centre. Everyone in town had to go to forest classes. This was where you learnt about what plants and flowers to eat, where it was safe to travel to and the history of Turmeric. It was only after completing the classes that you could take a boat to another island. Not many people did here as they started working for their families or became teachers at the forest school.
Violeta didn’t want that. She wanted to leave as soon as she could. She wanted to sail to another island, swim in tropical water, eat exotic fruits and meet interesting characters. Violeta was an explorer. She wanted something beyond the village, something she hadn’t even discovered yet. As she walked into the class the Mushies were sitting in their usual spot, right at the back near the door. They sat there to watch everyone else come in, like eagles scouting their prey. When Violeta walked in Mary shouted:
“Where are your tights, big ears?”
Violeta froze. She replayed the words back in her head, “big ears’. I have big ears?, She began to panic. Her legs went numb and she couldn’t speak. She turned around and walked out the room. Ignoring anyone or anything that came in her way. She tried to stay calm but her heart began beating uncontrollably. She crossed her arms, one under the other, trying to ground herself but it was too late. Her thoughts flew around at 100 miles per hour. Everyone started to look like robots, faces deforming into monsters and she felt like she was looking at her body from the outside. She tried to breathe, she tried to think of Wolfie. She imagined his soft nose brushing against her cheek, his quiet supportive words, and she started to calm down. The paralysing panic that was gripping her body began to fade. The grass outside the school building felt soft underfoot again and the voices around her were no longer stifled by the anxiety swirling inside her head. She was back in the real world. She realised she needed to get home before anyone noticed. She needed to get away from the Mushies before they laughed at her.
As Violeta walked through the door, her mum was sitting by the fire and her dad reading a book. The same scene she left this morning. Hand shaking, she walked upstairs. Her mum didn’t notice a thing, like always. Violeta fell on the bed. Wolfie came wandering over from the window, where he had been reading some Spanish poetry, and placed his paw on her cheek:
“What happened today, Violeta?”
Violeta responded, sobbing, “It was the Mushies, they were laughing at me again.”
She curled up under her unicorn sheets and closed her eyes. All she could see were the Mushies mocking faces and everyone else joining in. She felt as if the whole world was laughing at her. Wolfie wandered over to the desk and picked up her headphones. He wandered back to her and placed them gently on her chest:
“Let’s listen to some music, eh?”
Violeta unravelled the headphones from the knots that accumulated from her bag and put on some music. The soft tones of folk music playing from her phone soothed the tears streaming from her face. She could feel the bed beneath her body and the memory of the panic attack drifted away like milk disappearing into tea. Violeta slowly opened her eyes to switch off the light. The music helped her fall asleep and Wolfie covered her with another fluffy blanket.
As the first rays of light cast pink hues onto her bedroom floor, the shadow of the leaves danced on Violeta’s bedroom wall. Violeta struggled to open her eyes. Every movement felt like she was broken down, heavy and stuck. Her eyes were still watering from the night before and she couldn’t bring herself to raise the corners of her mouth to greet the day. She couldn’t even bring herself to pretend she was happy. The black leggings and jumper were still glued to her skin from yesterday and she felt her soul trapped under the dark colours. The black clothes seemed to have sunk into her blood during her sleep, as if all the brightness was slowly disintegrating in her body. Violeta said with despair:
“Everything is dark. I feel so heavy.”
Wolfie raised his pale, blue ear high in the sky and looked around for something to cheer her up. He realised the dark clothes were affecting Violeta. She didn’t get excited choosing what to wear anymore; she didn’t even look out the window to see the sun. Wolfie knew he would lose her to the dark clothes if he didn’t do something.
Violeta walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth and placed her face firmly against the glass mirror. She gazed into her eyes
She said, “I never noticed how black my pupils were before.”
She brushed her teeth then dragged herself back into bed. She decided she wasn’t going to class today as she didn’t want to see anyone. She knew the Mushies would make her have a panic attack again and she wanted to disappear into her own head for a day. But she kept replaying their laughter over and over again until it tormented her every thought. She didn’t think she would ever be able to face them again. Wolfie suddenly appeared from under the bed, holding a piece of clothing in his mouth. Violeta couldn’t see what it was until he crawled further out from the bed. He was holding her rainbow tights that were covered in grey, foamy dust. She gasped:
“I thought I threw them away! Why do you have them, Wolfie?”
“You need these, put them on.”
Violeta looked up at the ceiling and found a tiny butterfly hidden in the corner. She smiled and felt lighter. The butterfly came flying over from the corner and perched on Wolfie’s blue nose:
Both the butterfly and Wolfie hopped on her bed and looked at her with tenderness. Violeta reached her hand out and took the tights. She walked into the bathroom and slipped into her rainbow tights. The familiar stretch was perfectly fitted to her thighs. They slipped on seamlessly and the colours lit up her eyes. She finally felt a lightness, a sense of hope. These tights had been there for her during all her panic attacks and without them, she had felt so lost. She looked around her bathroom, trying to find her glitter eyeshadow. She had a whole box that she used on different occasions. She picked the white one and painted her eyelids.
As she came out of her bathroom, Wolfie and the butterfly were waiting on her bed. They both smiled and said, “Violeta, you look great!”
They all cuddled on bed whilst the sun broke through the flickering leaves on her wall. Violeta decided she would go to the beach for a walk. She placed Wolfie and the butterfly on her red, velvet cushion and got her bag.
She shouted, “See you guys soon! I’m going to get some air.”
Violeta strode out from her house. The sunlight caught her glitter eyeshadow and blurred her vision with speckles of light. She reached the end of the forest path and walked towards the beach. The noon sun was in full force. She could see, from a distance, a dark shape sitting in the place where she liked to read. She felt a stab of panic. Then she looked down at her rainbow tights and summoned her courage. Sitting there was a girl staring at her palms, her arms crossed tightly and her green hair covering her face. Her ears were drooping and her sheep-fur surrounded her legs.
Violeta decided to sit down next to her. The girl turned around and glanced at Violeta anxiously. She spotted the rainbow tights and said softly, “I like your tights.” Violeta glanced at the girl’s jumper. She could see a sunflower stitched onto her purple jumper.
Violeta responded, “Thanks! I like your sunflower too.”
The girl looked down and smiled at her jumper then looked back up, “My name is Jane.” She loosened her arms and cautiously reached out with her hand dripping with sweat.
Violeta responded with a firm grasp, “My name is Violeta, nice to meet you.” They sat and watched the sun sitting in the sky as the clouds beamed with colour again. Violeta asked Jane, “Would you like to come over to watch Harry Potter?” Jane nodded yes.